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Letter to parents of trans teens:

I want to offer lots of compassion and gentleness towards all of the mixed emotions you may be feeling. You are important! You are important to your child, you are important to the world. You don't need to sacrifice your needs along the way.


An exercise you can do right now is to put your hand on your heart. Imagine you're talking to a friend. Tell this friend that you love them and you're here for them and yes things may feel hard and scary right now. But you're going to take things one step at a time and you're going to find the support that you need.


I want you to know that you don't have to do this alone. There are there are books and community spaces virtually and in person, gender doulas out there to support you and your child. There is a long legacy of people who have fought for the rights of trans people and want the best for them.


It may feel scary and overwhelming to think about how life will treat your child. Sadly our current culture can be very unkind towards trans people, especially when you add on other layers of race and class. But I want to remind you how invaluable it is that you bring your willingness to learn, to listen to your child, to question what you have been taught, and to love yourself in the complexity of your emotions. All of that makes a huge difference.


We know that having even one supportive adult is extremely important for the health outcomes of trans children and teens. I wish that every trans child would have entire communities, but even when that's not possible, you can have a monumental role in the life of your child.


No one is perfect, And even those of us who are trans and who have spent years unlearning our conditioning make mistakes and cause harm. I want you to know that change takes time, your willingness to change and learn is far more important than getting things right every time.


We are trying to change our culture to be one that's more welcoming and loving. It's not easy work, but we also can lean on the work of the generations that have gone before us and the many amazing humans that are alive right now.


Sometimes young people really benefit from meeting other trans people and talking things through with them as well. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.


If you or your child/teen would like to work with me, please reach out. I would love to support this journey.



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